What We Can Learn From the Tragedy of Robin Williams

Hey Everyone! I know it has been quite a long time since I last posted. With my upcoming move just a week away, I have been a bit preoccupied to say the least. I have also been experiencing I believe to be a bit of spiritual darkness in my life these past couple weeks. I feel I am in for a deeper conversion in the near future. But I will go into detail about that in a later post. With the wake of the suicide of Robin Williams, I felt this was a perfect time to write about what we can take from such heartbreaking news, especially when it comes to the mental health world. 

I don’t know one person who did not love and adore Robin Williams. Not only was he hilarious and a very talented actor, but it seems that he was a very sweet and down to earth guy. Very different than what we normally see in a lot of Hollywood stars today. But behind that seemingly joyful human being was somebody who was suffering immensely. Out in the public eye, he radiated a light and joy, and made others laugh, but behind closed doors, Robin was extremely ill. 

Sure, on the outside, he physically looked fine. But that doesn’t mean that he wasn’t just as sick as someone who has cancer, cystic fibrosis, or any other kind of chronic illnesses. That is a large misconception that comes with depression or any other type of mental illness. Because we don’t see physical signs of illness, we tend to brush it off and blame it on the person themselves. How many times have we heard of someone we knew who was struggling, and instead of being concerned, praying for them, or helping them seek treatment, we told them they need to just get over it, or get our feelings hurt because they stopped coming around? Regardless of the conceptions people have about mental illnesses, it isn’t something you can just snap out of when you feel like it. There is something actually biologically wrong with your brain. And without the proper treatment and support, just like any other illness, it will progress and has the potential to eventually kill you. Sure, Robin committed suicide, but ultimately it was the disease that killed him. 

So what can we learn from this? We need to realize that there is still a large stigma that surrounds mental illnesses. Look at the picture above. That, right there, is proof that we treat people who are mentally ill different than we treat those who are physically sick. Mental illness knows no bounds. It affects all races, both genders, rich and poor, and every intellectual level. But yet, society assumes that if someone suffers from a mental illness, they must be a freak, they must be unintelligent, they can’t be a productive member of society. We see people like Andrea Yates, or Adam Lanza, who were seriously sick and were people who did horrific things, and assume that every person who has something wrong with them will be dangerous. Yes, they were dangerous, but that is largely due to the fact that them and their families let the illness manifest itself into something much worse. So if they were sick, why didn’t anyone do anything to help them more? Its the stigma. Parents will be embarrassed if a child is schizophrenic because people will judge them, the patient themselves will feel like they are useless and helpless because that is what society has accepted. 

Think about the body in general; If you had to pick one organ that is the most important, you would probably most likely pick either the brain or the heart. So while we say it is of great significance, why do we take it for granted? Why when it isn’t functioning properly, we don’t seek treatment, just like when we have a physical ailment? Why are we so quick to make sure we are in amazing physical shape, but neglect our mental health?

Suicide is the second leading cause of death among college students. This is the prime age when mental illnesses are most likely to come up. But with this age, also comes immense pressure from friends, professors, and family to have it all together. So if someone does become depressed, or starts to have hallucinations, they are more likely to try to cover it up and pretend they are okay. They don’t want others to know that they are having difficulties, because more than likely it would be assumed there was something wrong with his work ethic, intelligence, coping skills, etc. So, more often than not, young adults will not only not seek proper care, but they won’t even tell the people they are close to. They learn ways to hide it around others. And the longer it goes untreated, the worse it becomes. Once again, this stigma causes people to not want to seek help.

We need to get rid of the mindset that the act of suicide is selfish. While yes, a family is left to a wound that might never heal, and they will wonder what they did wrong, the person committing suicide isn’t doing this to hurt them. Depression, among others, can be a very selfish disease. The person will be so wallowed up in their own suffering and pain that they cannot even fathom to look past it. A lot of times, they start pushing the ones closest to them away too. The person themselves isn’t selfish, it is just a symptom that comes with the disease. If they were able to be in a different mindset, it is likely that they wouldn’t even consider such an act. 

We also need to not condemn people who commit suicide to Hell. Yes, this act does go completely against the respect for life, oneself, and even neighbor. However, the Catechism of the Catholic church specifically states: “Grave psychological disturbances, anguish, or grave fear of hardship, suffering, or torture can diminish the responsibility of the one committing suicide.” The church can recognize that a person who is dealing with severe mental disturbances cannot have full responsibility in the act because they are not in the right mindset to even decide so. It also goes on to say, “We should not despair of the eternal salvation of persons who have taken their own lives. By ways known to him alone, God can provide the opportunity for salutary repentance. The Church prays for persons who have taken their own lives.” We should continue to pray for the souls of people like Robin Williams. The beautiful thing is that we have a loving father who knows your heart and can give you forgiveness. Suicide is not a selfish act, nor a one way ticket to Hell. 

 While just like the rest of you, I am deeply saddened by the loss of an amazing actor, there is still something that we can learn and take away from this. It doesn’t matter if you are as famous as Robin Williams, or are just an average 9 to 5 working man; mental illness can affect anyone. And suicides, self-harm, and other acts of suffering will continue to take place as much as they do if we don’t do something about it. And at the top of that list is to get rid of the misconceptions. We need to show just as much support for these people as we do for those who have cancer. Something I heard on Dr.Drew last night was this: When it comes to war veterans, we are always quick to rush to the side of an amputee. But when there is another who experienced just as much trauma, has PTSD, but is all together on the outside, he tends to be brushed to the side. Suffering isn’t explicitly just for the outside of the body.

Lord, please watch over all those who are right in this moment suffering from mental disorders. Let the holy spirit give them the strength they need to speak up and get the help they need.

 “Good Saint Dymphna, great wonder-worker in every affliction of mind and body, I humbly implore your powerful intercession with Jesus through Mary, the Health of the Sick, in my present need. (Mention it.) Saint Dymphna, martyr of purity, patroness of those who suffer with nervous and mental afflictions, beloved child of Jesus and Mary, pray to Them for me and obtain my request.”

If you know someone who is showing signs of a mental illness. Don’t be afraid to speak up. Don’t be afraid to go against their wishes. And most of all, don’t stop until they have gotten the help they need. We all need to look out for each other’s best interests and ultimately, each other’s health. 

 

The “C” Word

No, I am not talking about that horrible curse word that comes to everyone’s mind. It actually is a word we use quite frequently, but when it is used in the context of our own lives, we freak out and run towards the hills. CHANGE is the word. (Okay, I am totally singing the “Grease is the Word” song now)

As humans we almost always fear change in our lives. If circumstances change, we take it negatively and think its the end of the world. Sure, some changes are negative, but we treat every alteration in life the same; If it is unexpected or too drastic, we don’t want it. And not only that, we try at all costs to avoid it. 

I have lived my entire childhood and the majority of my adult life thus far in constant fear of change. I grew up with nothing but change in my life, none of which was really positive. I constantly lived in different cities, had to say goodbye to friends, and had to start new schools. I had to alter my life completely when I no longer had a father. All of this change caused me to shelter myself. I always played it safe. Sure, I rebelled when it came to my mother’s rules and my own personal morals, but I never truly experienced living outside my comfort zone. I always limited myself. I knew that if I stayed inside my box, change would be very little, if none. It is funny that I say that because in a lot of ways, I am extremely independent and stubborn. I like to do, try, and learn things on my own, and a lot of times will refuse help. So while I have those traits and dreams in my heart, I always held the thought in the back of my mind that I had to be careful. It has always been a constant battle for me between my driven and adventurous tendencies and my constant need for security and structure. Talk about the battle of the opposites right? I guess it is that old battle between mind and heart, except I obviously usually let my mind win. 

So as I am talking about my constant fear of change, I am planning the biggest change in my life as I am typing this post. Yes, a change that I did all on my own. It still sounds crazy to me at this moment. And I am terrified. Actually no, more like petrified. I feel like Hermione Granger when she was petrified by the basilisk in HP and the Chamber of Secrets. (Oops, my inner geek is showing). But at the same time, this feeling is exhilarating, and I am excited to see what this change has in store for me. So, what is this big decision I have made?

In a month and some change, I will be packing up my things, and making a roadtrip to Denver, Colorado to finish my schooling, which could be up to 5 more years. Doesn’t sound so crazy does it? Well just hold on. Here is the catch: I don’t know a single soul that lives in Denver. Sure, I met my advisor, but 2 brief meetings don’t really count. I will have no family, no friends, no one to meet up when I get there. I will be living in a townhouse with 5 other females who I have never met. I still don’t even know who they are or their names. This will be the first time I have ever been away from my family. I have lived my life with family just minutes away. To someone who is afraid to step outside their comfort zone, this is huge. To be honest, I still don’t even know how I convinced myself and managed to pull this off. 

Or, maybe I do. I truly believe that the holy spirit has been intervening in my life a lot lately. I started praying awhile ago that I could gain the courage to live not in fear, and give my entire life for God to guide. After all, as Christians, that is what we are called to do. We are called to leave our comfort at the door and let Christ be the leader and guide in all aspects of our life. Easier said than done. I would have to completely change the way I live. I have in some ways, but there is still plenty of work to do. But I have given my heart to the spirit. I have tried to take more time and not talk to God, but let him talk to me. And over and over again it is the same thing. “Get off your butt, stop being afraid, and follow me.”  

It is time for me to embrace change. It’s time that I face life head on with no fear of what could go wrong. This change is a massive one, but at this moment in time, I find it necessary for my growth. And I think the Good Lord agrees. There is that saying, “The only thing constant in life is change.” And while I do agree with that, I would like to amend it slightly to, “The only things constant in life are God and change.” With God, he will always challenge you with change, and with change, God will always be there by your side to support you. So instead of just following God, follow the change that comes with his plan for you, and don’t ever doubt it. 

Where Ill be finishing up my college career, Regis University.

I’m Friends With a Saint

I’m friends with a saint. She understands me, she guides me, she prays for me, and she consoles me in times of hardships and temptation. She is always there at my beckoning call. She always escorts me back to God. I’m friends with a saint.

Saints are one of the most beautiful, yet sometimes, most underused and misunderstood aspects of the Catholic Church. Those outside the church find it odd that we hold certain people in such high regard, and that we even pray to them. I get asked that by my non-Catholic friends all the time. Even when I attempt to explain it, they still have a hard time grasping it. They don’t understand why we would pray to anything else but God. But here’s the thing. These saints are in our corner, they are rooting for us. They are our friends in heaven who can listen to us, and pray with us. They can help send our intentions out to the Good Lord. We always ask our friends and family members to pray for us. Why not ask for the intercession of those who lived such holy lives and are so close to God? There is real power in that.

Yes, the saints lived holy lives. They dedicated their lives to serving the Lord and helping those in poverty. Many of them also performed and witnessed miracles. Sounds intimidating right? It shouldn’t. It shouldn’t because the majority of them started off as people like you and me. Many started off with serious sin in their life, or didn’t even know Christ. Think of St.Paul. He would persecute and murder Christians! Yet, he found his way. St.Peter started off as a regular fisherman. Once a disciple, and Jesus’ closest confidant, he still denied him. Yet, he held the keys to the church. The stories of the saints throughout the ages show that no matter what circumstances you were once in, you can still be worthy to God. And we aren’t called to be these well-known saints. We can be our own mini saints in our communities. We don’t have to perform miracles. We just have to LOVE. These saints should inspire to continue to grow in our faith, now matter the circumstance. That, is powerful. 

So, back to my friend. I met my friend a little over a year ago when I was beginning my classes to finish my Confirmation. I was wanting to find a saint that I could take the name of. I didn’t want just any saint though. I didn’t want to choose a saint just because they were very well-known. Sure, that is great, but I deeply wanted to find someone that I could spend my life with, and someone who would understand me. I started my research by browsing through books on my kindle library. I just typed in saints and away I went. I thought that this could take hours. I would read the brief synopsis on the saint and see if he or she would spark my interest. I found one titled: “From Sex-Addict to Saint, Saint Margaret of Cortona”. I found that very interesting to say the least. And not only that, the book was free! It was a win-win for me. 

 

It didn’t take long for me to realize that this was the saint for me. The similarities between me and this woman could not have been a mere coincidence. God had wanted me to choose her. She would help me on my journey in faith. 

Here’s a brief story of Margaret:

Margaret was born in Laviano, Tuscany. At the age of seven, her mother died, and soon after her father remarried. Her and her stepmother never got along. Because of this, Margaret moved out at a young age. For a long time, Margaret spent her time pleasing men’s sexual desires. She then met and lived with a man named Arsenio, a Lord’s son. They fell in love, but could never marry for Margaret was this man’s mistress. She bore him a son, and he had promised her that someday they would marry. That day never came. Margaret found Arsenio’s body brutally murdered. This tragedy brought Margaret to prayer and penance. She and her son tried to return to her father and step-mother. Because of her reputation, her step-mother thought she brought shame to the family and refused to let her live there. That brought Margaret to the Franciscan friars of Cortona. She then, devoted her entire life to penance. She even had her face beaten so that it would scar, and no man would ever look lustfully at her again. One time in prayer, Margaret had heard the Lord ask her, “what is your wish poor little one?” She told him, “I neither seek nor wish for anything but You, my Lord Jesus.” Margaret was canonized on May 16, 1728.

 Margaret and I both lost a parent at the age of seven. We both struggled with our remaining parent to remarry, and we both moved out at a young age. (I was welcomed back months later thankfully). While I wasn’t a prostitute or sex addict, I did engage in premarital sex with several boyfriends, and struggled a lot when it came to lust. There was no doubt in my mind that not only was she the name I wanted to take after, but she was someone that I wanted to befriend for the rest of my life. 

I have taken my dignity back and have decided to save myself for my future husband. There are times where that is difficult. In those times, I am blessed to have a saint as a friend who knows what its like, and will pray for me. That is the beauty of saints. They are your lifelong friends. I’m friends with a saint. Who is your saintly friend?

Why I Hate the Dating Scene in this Generation

 

As I look at this photo, it makes me long to have been able to live in the 1950’s. I have always had a love and fascination with this decade. It obviously started when I was young and watched GREASE for the first time. Not only do I love the fashion, music, and lifestyle, but I loved the mentality when it came to dating. Living in this generation can be difficult for me at times, especially when it comes to relationships. My thought process on dating is far different than the norm in this century. With that, and the fact that it isn’t taken as seriously anymore, causes me to stray away from the dating scene of today. 

The first and main issue I have is the battle between serial monogamy and dating to marry. As someone who used to partake in serial monogamy, I can vouch for how it doesn’t work and is extremely unhealthy.  When being a serial monogamist, you jump from relationship to relationship, staying faithful, but immediately move on to someone else when it doesn’t wok out. Notice that I wrote WHEN and not IF. I say that because, to be completely honest, when you jump from different relationships, you are simply looking for someone to be with, and someone who can make you “happy”. You aren’t spending enough time to get to know the person on all levels to even know if it could result in a life long relationship, and ultimately, marriage. 

Here is why it is unhealthy: it causes more unhappiness, and codependency. If someone constantly feels the need to be close to someone, they are unhappy, and are looking for another person to provide it for them. They want to be anything but alone. Sure, for awhile, another person will bring joy to your life. It could even be a couple years. But sooner or later, that unhappiness will sizzle back up to the surface. When it does, you will see it as your partner’s fault, and will want the relationship. You will try to find someone new, and the cycle continues. Like stated earlier, it also creates codependency. You will start to get used always having someone there. That is a huge problem when it comes to relationships. You should have the ability to be able to be alone. If you can’t, I can almost guarantee that none of your relationships will ever be successful. 

So what is the alternative? The alternative is to have the mindset that you are dating to marry. After all, isn’t that what dating is for? To find someone to fall in love with and spend your life with them? It used to be at least. That is my intention. I don’t see the point in being with someone unless I can see myself marrying them in the future. Otherwise, it is pointless.

Going along with that, there is also the mentality of just dating for “fun”. Well of course going out on dates should be fun, but I don’t think that the sole purpose of going out on dates should be to have fun. I see this all the time, and have even been encouraged by friends and family members to just do it for fun. I don’t want guys to spend their money on me, trying to get to know me, when after a few dates it will be on to the next. And a lot of times, the term fun is used to mean to hook up. You get to know someone on the very surface, and then have sex without the commitments. This lack of commitment also comes with the term, “oh were talking.” What does that even mean? You are either getting to know each other, are dating, or are nothing. It is one of those things where these two people like each other and don’t want the other person to see anyone else, but yet they don’t want to commit fully.  To be honest, this is the norm that I see of today, and yet, people wonder why they can never be in a successful relationship.

This mentality can be hazardous. Most people think that having no strings attached sex has no repercussions. This couldn’t be any more false. A student of Sigmund Freud, Erich Fromm, went against all of Freud’s ideas when it came to sex and stated, “The obvious clinical fact demonstrates that men and women who devote their lives to unrestricted sexual satisfaction do not attain happiness, and very often suffer from neurotic conflicts or symptoms. The complete satisfaction of all instinctual needs is not only not a basis for happiness, it does not even guarantee sanity.” Despite popular belief, having this type of relationship with people is detrimental not only to your happiness, but to your mental health. We have reduced sex to the mere meaning of pleasure of copulation and pleasure. 

Another problem I have with this generation’s view of dating is their view of what love is. Gary Chapman, the writer of The Five Love Languages, writes that “Western society is largely addicted to romantic love[…]On the other hand, we are very ignorant of the facts about love. We have bought into the concept that love is something that happens to you. It is magical, obsessive, and extremely exhilarating[…] While this description of love can be fairly accurate, it only describes the first stage of a romantic relationship.”   

Most people think that if there isn’t an immediate spark, then there will never be anything. This is so not true! Look at the relationships of our grandparents. I know that when mine met, my grandma didn’t even like my grandpa. She thought he was cocky and annoying. Look at today. They have been married for over 50 years and they still only have eyes for each other. Not only was there not the instant fireworks, but they have struggled and worked hard for their marriage. That is the second point of Chapman’s writing. There are two stages of love, the obsessive stage, and the covenant stage. Most relationships never make it past the first stage. During the obsessive stage, everything is all rainbows and butterflies. It can last for a couple years, but it will fade eventually. When it fades, one or both parties wants out. Because once it fades, you have to enter stage two, and that requires work. People assume that if you have to work at a relationship that it must not be meant to be. In stage 2, that is when the relationship is put to the test. During this stage, Both parties must not only commit to love, but they must know how to love effectively, and learn to give all of themselves to the other person without the expectation of anything in return. This is why dating can prove to be difficult in today’s culture. If it requires work, it isn’t worth it. 

I could obviously ramble on and on about this subject, but I will do just one last point. Cohabitation is ruining relationships and marriage. I know, I will be in the severe minority here, as cohabitation is what everyone does now, but I believe it to be true. And there happen to be statistics to back up this claim. Those who cohabitae before marriage have significantly higher divorce rates, 50, even up to 100 percent of the time. Professor Jan Stets of Washington State University stated, “Cohabiting couples compared to married couples have less healthy relationships. They have lower relationship quality, lower stability, and a higher level of disagreements.”  This goes back to levels of commitment. When you are living with your partner, you will get used it being just that. You won’t feel the need to get married, and a lot of times, those relationships will end a lot more ugly than others. I have a huge problem with that. Sure, it is nice to be able to get to know someone by living with them because it is a whole different ballgame, but the statistics don’t lie.

I am sure that a lot of my opinions have to do with the fact that my faith to the Catholic church is most important in my life, and that I have an old fashioned mentality. But at the same time, I have experienced it the other way. I have had casual sex, I have been in the obsessive stage of love, I have been a serial monogamist.  And yet, I am single today. Because trying to “fit in” or do what is considered “normal” doesn’t work. And most of all, it lacks morals. I cannot take back the things I have done, but I can change them. The norms for dating today are severely unhealthy, and largely contribute to the high divorce rates. And I have a huge issue with that.

I am 21 years old, and have never been on an ACTUAL date. I have never been on one where a guy and I go out, and get to know each other. For so long I tried doing it the way everyone else has, and because of this, I have never even been on a date. This is a problem!  Because of my views, I am sure it will be  more difficult for me to find someone, but that is okay. I am patient, and I know that I won’t be settling. God has someone planned for me, it will all happen in due time. 

God Doesn’t Want Us to Have All the Answers

As my first published post, I wanted to share something that I read that hit very close to home for me. It is something that I believe that not only I, but many Christians have been guilty of probably numerous times. It comes from The Church of Mercy, a book that compiles some of Pope Francis’ homilies, speeches, and writings, to show his mission and vision for the church.

The following quote comes from Pope Francis’ address  to the Lay Movements on Pentecost Vigil in 2013. “We cannot become starched Christians, those over educated Christians who speak of theological matters as they calmly sip their tea. No! We must become courageous Christians and go in search of the people who are the very flesh of Christ – those who are the flesh of Christ! ” I read this statement several times over, and each time I read it, it sunk in a little deeper. It made me question the way I was living my Christian life at times. For the longest time, I believed that I needed to know as much as possible about scripture, the church, and everything in between. I felt that if I carried this knowledge in my head that it would make me a better Christian. That was mistake number one. Making myself a better Christian. To some, they will probably wonder why that sounds like a bad thing. But it is, and here is why: We are not called to be “Good Christians” or “Better Christians”, we are called to be like Christ. By striving for this knowledge to make myself “better”, I was making myself out to be an excessively proud Christian, and in a way, competitive of other people’s faith. If I knew more, I must be better off than you. That is the exact opposite of Christ. Mistake number two was this: What exactly was my plan for all this knowledge? Was I going to enlighten others and help serve those in need, or was I going to flaunt it and shove it down others’ throats? To be honest, I was doing more of the latter than the former.

The point of Pope Francis’ quote is that God doesn’t want us to have all the answers. He doesn’t want us to be able to quote every verse from the bible, he doesn’t want you to be able to know the answer to every theological matter. He wants you to be COURAGEOUS. I love how the Pope uses the term starched. Starch always brings my imagination towards pasta and potatoes. Foods that pack a lot of energy, but if not exercised off, can cause excessive weight gain. So take this starch as a symbol for the knowledge. If we continue to pack ourselves with this doctrine, but do not feed off of its energy and use it to good use, what is the point of it? We will continue to pack ourselves so tight and fat, that at some point we will not be able to move.

So instead of being able to know as much as possible and have casual banter about it, the Pope calls us to be courageous. He wants us to stand up, go out, and face the world. And that is what God is telling us to do as well. What if I say something wrong? What if I am shy? What if I don’t know how to express my faith? How can I be courageous if I find it hard to talk to others about the faith or struggle to serve others? THAT IS OKAY!!! And not only is it okay, but there happens to be an easy fix. All we need is to be still, and fill our hearts with the Holy Spirit. Think back to Pentecost. The apostles were hiding themselves in that upper room in fear. Once the Holy Spirit filled them, they grew the confidence to speak of Christ and spoke in different tongues. We have to use this example and do the same thing. We have to trust that the Holy Spirit will guide us, and help us help others. And not just others who share the faith, but the ones who need it more than anyone. 

Once we have the Holy Spirit guiding us, and gain the confidence to share our testimonies and experiences, we have to branch out. There is no room for complacency in a Christian lifestyle. That is the other message in Pope Francis’ address. It is one thing to discuss and serve others who are also a part of the church, but it is another thing to go out and serve others who either do not know Christ, have turned their back on him, or are suffering. As he put it, “the very flesh of Christ”. In order to grow in our faith, we have to venture out of our comfort zone and find those in need. Complacency is not only dangerous, but it can spread like a cancer. As the Pope so bluntly put it, he would rather have a bruised church than an ill church. Meaning he would rather have us go out and mess up while trying to do good, causing a slight bruise that will fade away, than not try anything at all, stay stagnant, and cause the church, and your faith, to fall ill.

And of course it is difficult. As humans, we are creatures of habit. Once we get into a rhythm, it is hard to break it. However, when it comes to serving Christ, it should be anything but a routine. If we keep it in a routine, we are indeed, becoming complacent in our spiritual lives. And we can all be guilty of this at times. I know I am constantly. But the most important thing is to realize it, pray about it, and take action.

Always remember, as I have to also try to, that God doesn’t want us to have all the answers. He wants us to take what we know and believe in, and put it into action.

“For just as a body without a spirit is dead, so also faith without works is dead.” James 2:26